Course Project; Plan, Proposal & Initial Research

Ryan Mckendrick
Oct 23, 2020
19 min read

Updated: Feb 1, 2021

This post covers the initial stages of Unit 10 and my chosen project, Write it, including the briefing, initial research, project proposal, project aims (including research, outcome and learning aims), and notes throughout these stages.

Briefing

Brief:

This project is about authorship. You are required to write a text and develop it as an author-illustrator.

Reach new points of understanding. Be unconventional and experimental to allow new meaning and possibility to flourish.

Come to workshops prepared to experiment then choose a way to consolidate your development as a final piece of your choice.

Deadline: 28/05/2021

Assessment Evidence:

In negotiation with your tutor, a final outcome of your choice.
A large body of exploratory work relating to your text and a final piece.

Learning Outcomes:

Process; An ability to critically, responsibly and coherently develop and employ effective working methods appropriate for solving a range of Illustration problems.
Realisation; The ability to work independently and collaboratively in illustration.
Enquiry; The effective use of sustainable, coherent, and critically engaged research methods that support your independent and collaborative illustration practice.
Knowledge; An ability to analyse and apply knowledge of the cultural, commercial and social context and application of your practice, research ideas, and skills.
Communication; The ability to professionally represent and articulate your practice, research, ideas, and skills visually, verbally, and in written form.

Notes and Ideas Based on Briefing:

My initial idea is to expand on some of the themes, processes and outcomes of my summer project, Identity in Mind, to explore creating a similar published print telling stories of queer lives, spaces, and experiences. This will also relate to my IPS and dissertation practice which explores the construction of queer space. I hope to create writings which reflect my queer experience, collect writings of the queer experiences of others, and create visual media based on these experiences. I then hope to correlate my findings as a print magazine, exploring the context of independent print publishing. I want to push myself further from my summer project, and become more experimental.

Primer Task

Write something and bring it to the first workshop. You do not need to be a 'good writer' to take part. You will need a copy of your text to work on whilst you take part in tasks.

Initial Research Plan:

Queer writings which move away from academic and theoretical writings currently being explored in my dissertation work. Search for queer narratives, poetry, music, etc.
Queer archives and collections which narrate queer lives, to explore the different visual representations of queer narrative.

Research; Telling Queer Narratives

This research looks into the different narratives told of LGBTIQ+ individuals through history:

Narratives told by the person themselves, to explore how each individual manifests their queer identity differently, and how the personification of queerness is something inherently personal.
The narratives of queer individuals told by the outsider, this analyses the perceptions which narratives can portray to an audience, what version of the individual we see based on media choice, content, and context.
Accounts of how the publication of these narratives impacts others, both queer and non-queer, this is important for audience consideration when questioning who my audience is to be, and what impact I similarly want to have on them through my own study.

Throughout this research I also draw comparisons between narrative telling, to identify what changes in our perception of the individual through a different narrative presentation. Finally I compare the differentiating narratives between individuals, to explore the contrasts and contradictions queerness poses when we compare one queer individual to another.

Lou Sullivan

Born in the early 1950s, Sullivan was one of the first notable FTM gay men in the Western public eye. Sullivan was an American author and activist who fought for trans rights, the recognition of gay trans men, and AIDS. He died of AIDS complications at the age of 39 in the early 90s.

Dear Lou Sullivan is a short film by Rhys Ernst narrating the life of Sullivan. Ernst creates a visual representation of Sullivan's sexual transparency by combining footage of gay pornography, and Grindr screenshots. The content of the screenshots, show little has changed on the perception of gay trans men since Sullivan's activism throughout the late 70's and 80s. Reflecting the lack of knowledge about trans issues within our own community, the sexualisation of trans bodies, and the cissexism perpetuated by many cis gays. Ernst also includes poigniant snippets from Sullivan's book Information for the Female-to-Male Crossdresser and Transsexual, showing us insights of the technicalities of living as a trans man, from chest binding, to packing. We also see footage of Sullivan from interviews, talking about his gender reassignment surgery, being diagnosed with AIDS and facing pushback from medical professionals.

Ernst's narrative of Sullivan gives us a harrowing insight into some of the darker aspect of Sullivan's life, representing his struggles with finding acceptance for his sexuality, trauma from being diagnosed with AIDS, and pain in facing barriers in his medical transition. And yet Ernst provides us with a powerful vision of Sullivan, we see his bravery and strength in his audition tapes, we see his resilience in his book snippets, and powerful quote, "I took a certain pleasure in informing the gender clinic that even though their program told me I could not live as a Gay man, it looks like I'm going to die like one."

We Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan is an edited collation of 24 of Sullivan's diaries, which he wrote throughout his life.

I think he is one of many our generation missed out on who would’ve been our mentors, teachers and support group leaders. They’re all dead. And Lou was a rare person in that he kept this incredibly, generously intimate record of his life with this intention to carry his presence as a person, but also his at the time extremely unusual subject position, into a future where he was keenly aware that he would be absent from the community.

Here editor of We Laughed in Pleasure talks of the importance providing queer narratives of our elders to newer generations. With great sadness, due to the fatal impacts of the AIDS epidemic, there are fair few queer elders for us to look up to still alive and with us today. Sullivan being one of them. The publishing of Sullivan's diaries is important, because although he didn't get to influence the next generation directly, his words are now able to.

Here is a photograph of the journals which We Laughed in Pleasure is collated of. Visually I think there is a beauty in this, Sullivan's penmanship in combination with his annotated photographs give us an incredibly personal insight to Sullivan's life, which perhaps could not be captured by the published print version of said journals.

These snippets from Lou Sullivan: Daring to be a Man Among Men by Brice D. Smith, give us a peek into happy moments of Sullivan's life. We see moments of pleasure, of happiness, of companionship, and pride. While contrasting Ernst's more negative narrative, the two are just as important, showing the multiple layers of queerness, which is build not only on trauma, but pride, and moments of simply being human.

Here Sullivan narrates his own identity through video interview, discussing some of the obstacles he faced throughout his transition in terms of gaining access to medical treatment, the transphobia both internal and external he faced in being an openly gay trans man, and how he related his AIDS diagnosis to his trans identity as "another thing wrong with me body." There is something very powerful in Sullivan's narration, and perhaps that power comes from myself as an audience in watching a trans elder who lost his life so young as many others in our community did too. But there is also an honesty in his narration, it is factual but there is a real emotive power there too.

Joe Orton

Orton was an English playwright, famous for his short lived career - from 1964 to 1967 - his audience shocking black comedies, and his cynicism. Most famous for his breakthrough play Entertaining Mr Sloane, Orton's works were performed on London's West End and received mixed feedback for his cynical jabs against structures such as the police, justice system and religion.

Orton was homosexual at a time when homosexuality was still illegal, he spent the fifteen years before his death in a relationship with the playwright and artist, Kenneth Halliwell, however academic analysis of Orton's life often insists the pair were roommates and friends.

From 1959 – 1962 the pair stole and defaced hundreds of books, smuggling them back into the building for unwitting librarians and visitors to find. This was a lighthearted prank, which, despite having political undertones, was harmless and only mildly offensive. Yet, upon the discovery of their involvement, they were put in jail for six months. - The Tate

(Pictured above, sourced from The British Library)

In 1962 Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell were placed on trial for the theft and ‘malicious damage’ of books belonging to Islington Public Library. They were found guilty and each sentenced to six months’ imprisonment for their elaborate literary prank. Orton claimed that their actions were a protest against the poor choice of books available in public libraries. - The British Library

There is something representative of Orton in these collages and works, which represent his absurdity and cynicism. There are also elements of queerness in the imagery of wrestling naked men, and crude sexual quotations. These pictures are insight not only to Orton's fantastic mind, but an insight to queerness as acts of rebellion.

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In 1967 Orton's lover, Halliwell, bludgeoned Orton to death then killed himself. Orton was only 34, and never lived to see homosexuality legalised. Halliwell's suicide note read "If you read his diary, all will be explained. KH PS: Especially the latter part" Perhaps referring to the detailed descriptions of Orton's promiscuity, and habitual cruising and cottaging.

Extracts of Orton's diary give a similar insight to Orton's life that Sullivan's diaries do. There is something very personal about the haphazard slanted writing, the merging of written text and shorthand, shows us Orton's vulnerabilities in hiding parts of himself for the reader, a fear of being seen. This is a huge contrast to the Orton who is described within the context of his diaries, by his peers, and through his plays, a bold and daring Orton, contrasting the vulnerability we can see in his journals.

I was asked to take some special publicity photographs of Joe. They were to be body-building type shots, as he wanted it to be known that he was the fittest, best built playwright in the western hemisphere.

These photos by artist and photographer Lewis Morley, relay a contrasting side to Orton to his diaries. We see a man with confidence, despite the less conventionally attractive sculpture of his body, echoed by Morley's description of working with him. Conveyed through his promiscuous crotch shots, tensed muscles, and biceps pushed out by clenched fists, we see a grandiose vision of Orton, similar to that described of him by his peers. This series narrates Orton beautifully with snapshots into his own vision of himself.

In 1986, nine years after Orton's death, John Lahr published a collective of Orton's diaries, entitled The Orton Diaries. The book, which collated Lahr's research for his biography on Orton, Prick Up Your Ears, is a collection of Orton's journal entries in the six months before his murder.

David Curtis of Sacred Heart University, describes the diaries:

Orton, in short, used sex for pleasure, but told tales about it to shock. Similarly, he makes us laugh for pleasure, but makes us think about our laughter in order to shake us up. In a world that is "cruel, despicable and senseless," Orton urges us to grab all the pleasure, all the laughter we can. But he also insists that because we live in such a world, we must examine values and assumptions and change those that injure. The Orton Diaries hold out the hope that we can change our world by adopting new perspectives on life, living for neither meanness nor self-promotion, but proportionally and joyfully. To me that hope represents the authentic Orton voice — insouciant yet cynical, irreverent yet irresistible. But for many, a single off-color phrase, a single iconoclastic idea will blast so loudly that the roulades of joy and sanity will never reach their ears. For them The Orton Diaries will yield but one strain: 'Jug jug jug jug jug jug.'

Arnold Lobel; Frog and Toad

Children's author and illustrator, Arnold Lobel, perhaps most well known for his series Frog and Toad was a closeted gay man for most of his life, even marrying a woman and having children. He did come out to his wife and children later in his life, much after the release of Frog and Toad but many argue that his homosexuality lurks within his tales of a pair of unlikely friends, Frog and Toad. The children's picture books convey a deep sense of human connection with it's amphibian painted characters, who seem to love one another deeply, and relish in the small simplicities of companionship. Lobel, like many of his peers, lost his life due to AIDS complications in 1987. (Source).

Here are extracts from Lobel's 1972 book Frog and Toad Together.

Lobel's representation of Frog and Toad's friendship evokes a desire for companionship felt by the author, "Toad sat and did nothing. Frog sat with him." We see Frog and Toad sat beside one another as the sun sets, representing the importance of companionship being the ability to sit beside one another, and do nothing.

There is also a sorrowful representation of the idea of bravery, "'We look brave.' said Frog. 'Yes, but are we?' asked Toad.'" perhaps relating to Lobel's fears of coming out as gay, the questioning of his own bravery. This is enhanced by the frowning reflections of Frog and Toad as they face a mirror, capturing a sense of sadness felt by Lobel. Perhaps a depiction of Lobel's feelings toward his closeted sexuality, a sadness, a sorrow, of feeling not so brave. This metaphor is reinforced, more overtly, with the line toward the end of this story, "He jumped into the closet and shut the door. Toad stayed in the bed, and Frog stayed in the closet." This line seems to refer to the less literal closet of living as a not out homosexual, as Lobel was at the time of imagining Frog and Toad.

Frog and Toad also shows a representation of queerness which evokes feelings of loss, unrecruited love. Seen most heartbreakingly in the final story of Frog and Toad Together, The Dream. When Toad cries out, "Come back, Frog," "I will be lonely!" Here we see Toad looking out into the darkness of a crowd where Frog is absent, we imagine Toad completely alone, and in darkness. This strongly conveys Lobel's fears of being alone, perhaps due to an unrecruited love, or perhaps because of rejection if he were to come out. Whatever this represents, it shows a clear deep love and companionship between Frog and Toad.

Although we can't say for certain if Lobel meant for Frog and Toad to be anything more than the best friends he describes them as, Lobel did once say "Frog and Toad are really two aspects of myself." (The Guardian). So it isn't completely unfeasible that Frog and Toad became a manifestation of the fears, the feelings, and desires, of Lobel before he was able to disclose his sexuality. Years after his passing, Lobel's daughter stated that Frog and Toad was "the beginning of him coming out." (People).

When comparing Orton and Lobel's queer narratives, they really to present as stark opposites. Whilst Orton's queerness manifests in flamboyancy and promiscuity, Lobe's queerness is something softer. Through Frog and Toad we see a portrayal of queerness as tender, loving, and kind. We see the queer love which exists between Frog and Toad to be a cumulation of sometimes contrasting emotions, their friendship is laced with fear, with adoration, bravery. Some aspects of Frog and Toad show deep sorrow, which can be seen in Orton's cynicism, but others show a unity of adoration which isn't seen in Orton's descriptions of his lovers.

When analysing and comparing the two I don't think either narrative of queerness is 'good' or 'bad', instead they are simply different.

Robyn Dewhurst

Dewhurst is a visual artist and photographer based in Leeds, working primarily with queer identity. Her 2019 project Age of THE: Underground, documents underground performance from Leeds based art collective, Age of THE, through nightlife photography. Dewhurst narrated the queer experience being channelled through drag and performance art in the underground queer scene of Leeds. Dewhurst aims to show an aspect of queer vulnerability revealed through expressive performance art. Through their acts, performers narrate their own queerness, targeting subjects such as: gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, and attitudes toward sex and sexuality. With flashes of nudity and obscenity, Dewhurst captures the idea of unapologetic queerness, self expression, and queer vulnerability.

I love how Dewhurst's work captures integral passing moments of underground performance, with the shine of spotlights, glisten of sweat, and candid moments. Through photography Dewhurst captures the life of performance, and the realness of the art which exists in the underground. There is no attempt to gloss over the obscenity of the scene, to powder the sweat, to correct the hash stage lights. This creates a rawness, which brings the performance to life for an audience who weren't even there.

When comparing Dewhurst's work with my other research we see a side to queerness which harshly contrasts the soft and intimate queerness seen in Lobel's Frog and Toad, this version of queerness is elicit, bold, and outrageous. Whilst Lobel's queerness is much more timid, soft, and PG. (As expected from a children's book). Yet, there are also striking similaries. Through the vulnerability of the stage lights, nudity, and intimate moments, captured by Dewhurst we are reminded of a vulnerability expressed by Lobel, as his characters cry out in longing for one another's company, and question as to whether they are truly brave.

In comparison to Orton's diaries, we see a similar comment of queerness being equal to outrage. Orton's absurdity and promiscuity, is also present in Dewhurst's work, which shows subjects engaging in fellatio, here we can draw a strong contrast in the disclosure of similarly intimate moments narrated by Orton in his descriptions of his sexual encounters. Yet there is also harsh contrasts. In Orton's portraiture, shot by photographer Lewis Morley, the pictures are clearly staged, falsely exaggerated as he pushes out his muscles, and poses his crotch to the camera. In contrast Dewhurst's photography shows moments of her subjects not knowing what they look like, with their face glistened with sweat, and outfits askew. While the two collections show contrasting ideas of posed and candid photography, the vulnerability Dewhurst explores is analogous to Morley's photography. In his portraits of Orton we see a vulnerability through his self conscious nature, causing him to attempt to be something he is perhaps not.

Alexis Di Biasio

Di Biasio was a 'hobbyist' photographer who captured the queer nightlife scene of 1980's and 90's NYC. His work holds a rawness encouraged by the amateur photography style, over exposed images, and blurred and often grainy filter. Di Biasio's main subjects were the NYC club kids of the era, young LGBTIQ+ folk who would dress outlandishly and part incessantly. As a result his work captures a narrative of queerness with a focus on absurdity, self expression, excessiveness which defined the 90s and 80s nightlife scene. Through his work we see a glance into queerness close to its roots of the club venues and dancehalls of which it was born.

There are stark comparisons to be made between Di Biasio and Dewhurst's work, he captures his subject with harsh lighting in dimly lit nightclubs, with moments of absurdity conjured through physical representation. We again see a narrative of queerness told through the club scene, through absurdity, obscenity and extravagance.

Di Biasio gifts us an insight to queerness which starkly contrasts that of Lou Sullivan's diaries. In Sullivan's diaries we see a queerness which exists within pain and rejection, through the narration of his medical struggles, AIDS diagnosis, and discrimination. Yet in Di Biasio's work we see queerness as celebration and expression, he gives us an insight to good times, laughter and lavish parties. But this does not mean that the same pains of queerness did not exist for Di Biasio's subjects, in the same sense Sullivan's polariods capture moments of achievement and happiness. Instead we can compare the vision of the photographer's queerness.

In the 1980s and early 90s the AIDS epidemic was at it's peak, a time which took many of our queer elders, sometimes as young as their late teens and early twenties. At the time of the formation of political strife groups such as ACT UP, life for LGBTIQ+ in NYC was far from the party Di Biasio captures. Perhaps Di Biasio wanted to create a glimpse into queerness which narrated a contrast to the news media and protest material which defined the era. To show humanity, passion, and personality.

Visual Inspiration

Vintage Comic Strips

One aspect of my visual inspiration for this project, was vintage comic snippets which seem homoerotic when taken out of context. I found these while exploring queer visualisation on Pinterest and was inspired by the squared structures and grainy quality which gave me a vintage feel which I think correlates with the queer diaries I'm also inspired by. I think the layout of the comic strips allows for a collaged effect.

Something which inspires me about these images is how the text is formatted within the frame, allowing for a direct link between image and text. I also like how the out of context homoeroticism allows for a context of secrecy of homosexuality, which would have aligned with the timeframe of the print (50s and 60s). This adds to a feeling of reflection upon the historical progression of societal representations of homosexuality, and the squared format would allow for layered collage.

Personal Journal

Another one of my visual inspirations for this project was my own personal journal. This journal was something which I kept from ages 14-16, and was a collection of writings, art, and found materials which I collaged. I feel this journal is representative of many elements of my queer identity, extracts explore loneliness, longing, desire, and self identity.

In the visual elements of this journal, there is a strong feeling of rawness, which can be seen in the handwritten elements of text, snippets of poetry and confessions of my inner thoughts. I think this journal allows me to see a vulnerable side to my adolescence, and there is something which feels exposing, and intrusive about reading the extracts as an audience. This is something I want to recreate within this project, allowing me to see the vulnerability of queer identity and the personal element of what it means to be queer.

The way the journal is collaged is really visually interesting to me. There is a contrast between very cluttered pages of drawings, magazine clipping, train tickets and photographs, and more minimalist pages containing only light pencil sketches and pressed flowers. We see the contrasting ideas of queerness within this journal which we can see when comparing Joe Orton's and Arnol Lobel's portraits of queerness; on the one hand we have the outrageous and the explicit, and on the other something softer and more vulnerable. This journal gives me the idea that maybe these contrasting ideas of queerness can exist within one individual.

Collage

Another visual inspiration for this project was bold collage, which combines illustration, magazine clippings and text. I created a Pinterest board of these inspirations, collecting visually interesting pieces.

I love the boldness of these collages, and how they show loud visualisations which connect the text and image. I also feel there is a vintage feel to some of them, with extracts from black and white magazines, and grainy qualities. I like the boldness, and this is something I would like to experiment with in my own work.

Project Proposal

Part One; Process Representation

Create a research journal, similar to the one's that have inspired me in both Joe Orton and Lou Sullivan's diaries. This shall be a collection of my research throughout the project.

This collage is an example of a layout:

Collections of writings. This will include handwritten transcripts of interviews from my fieldwork speaking to LGBTIQ+ and queer identifying individuals. This will also include handwritten evaluation of my research methods and what these have helped me uncover. I will keep it handwritten as the handwriting which has inspired me, allows for a personal insight to queerness, and creates an image of the text.
Polaroids, or point and shoot portraits of my interviewees. This will accompany my portraiture, but in physical format, will allow me to analyse portraiture, and create a physical motif of the individual interviewed. I will also collect similar pictures of queer events attended.
Found imagery which inspires my process, this may include vintage photographs, contemporary photographs. Will be supported through handwritten analysis.
Collage, this will allow me to play with developing ideas and layouts, which I will begin to develop throughout the creation of the journal. This may include magazine clippings, printed pictures and my own photography.
Posters, and found material from interviews and site visits. This will allow me to keep mementos of events attended, to be able to look back at aesthetic properties. Will go alongside handwritten personal recordings of the event attended, and photographs.

Part Two; Outcome

This will be developed throughout the project stages. I hope to create an outcome which compiles my own written elements, and the written elements of other's experiences, to create a memoir of queer experiences. This could take a variety of formats dependant on the development process including an editioned zine, a book, or a scanned e-book. This format will compile the most successful elements of the process, as a final compilation.

My subject proposal is Queer Experience. I plan to draw upon my own writings of my personal queer experiences, examining how this manifests both inwardly and outwardly. I shall also collect writings either by myself or my subject, narrating the queer experiences of others. The overall concept is to create an archive of queer experience, which combines text, photography and illustrations. I hope this will further support both my dissertation and IPS.

Outcomes:

A research book explained above working as a collection of research, process and evaluation.
A 'published' book with edited content scanned and processed from research book. (Working Idea).
Evidence of editioning of book, with feedback collated in research book.
Extensive blog posts exploring each stage of the marking criteria.

Research:

* Some research is combined research across all year 3 projects.

J. Lahr, 1986, The Orton Diaries (Book)
Z. Ozma, 2019, We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Dairies of Lou Sullivan (Book)
Bishops Gate Library, The Duckie Archives (Archives of Queer Event)
Bishops Gate Library, Rose's Repartee (Archives of Published Print)
Bishops Gate Library, Nicky Stones Archive (Biographical Archives)
Interviews (Fieldwork)
Attendance of Queer Events (Site Visit)

Illustration Goals:

Improvement of skills working with InDesign.
Development and consideration of publishing.
Improvement of skills in terms of photography and portraiture.

Primer Text

For my primer text I aimed to narrate my experience and definition of queer. Using ideas of prose.

You ask me to describe my queerness. How can I begin to articulate something so abstract, a feeling, a state of being, a standpoint? My body is queer, and my brain, it is queer too. Queerness is not something I can scrub away. Believe me I have tried. I cannot peel away my queerness, I cannot discard it on the bedroom floor, I cannot. Believe me I have tried. To do so would be to strip away my skin, to tear free from the flesh which wrap my bones. I have tried that too, and failed, oh how I have failed.

My queerness is something which was passed on to me from my ancestors, those who marched on the same streets I am able to walk down freely, those who screamed with the voice I can now use to speak, those who fought for a body I can now own. My queerness was passed onto me by my ancestors, not through genetics, or DNA, but through pain. Pain which cuts deep, into the flesh on my wrists. Pain is queerness, as it is spat in my face, as I catch the blood with my hands, as it falls from my face. As the scars heal, I carry them, they are the wounds which once killed my ancestors. Their bodies washed up onto shores, withering in hospital beds, and taken oh so young.

We see queerness as glitter, as hot stage lights, and sweat exchanged in passing moments of a nightclub. We see queerness as something of bravery, as if it is a choice. With sweatshop produced coloured flags, with rainbows stitched, painted, and carved. We see queerness as an act, as an option, to paint the inside of ourselves onto our faces. To make love as though it is an act of defiance, to clothe our bodies as though my queerness can be worn like a fur coat. But that is not queerness, I cannot leave my queerness in the closet, I cannot choose which version of myself is painted on the outside. Because it will not wash off, and it can not be undressed.

Ask me to describe my queerness. I shall tell you of the times in which I cried out for my body to disappear when I watched myself shrink to almost nothing at all. I shall tell you of the time where I feared my own life, as crimson heat blurred my vision, and I thought the last words I would hear on this earth would be “fucking faggot.” I shall tell you of name changes, doctors’ appointments, blood tests, and therapy. Of cruel laughter, of twisted words, of broken homes, and broken hearts. But that is not my queerness. That is simply anger, simply pain, simply a product of my queerness.

Ask me to describe my queerness. I will tell you it cannot be described. I will tell you to listen to my brothers, my sisters, my others. I will tell you to shut up and listen. I will tell you not to speak to me, not to ask me questions. I am not your educator, you are not my student, and the story of my life, it is not a textbook. You cannot examine me, or collate my experiences, you cannot come to a conclusion based on what I tell you, from what you see, or what anyone else tells you either.

For my queerness, it is exactly that, it is mine. It is the way I see the world; it is the way I hold my body; it is the way I press myself against a lover. But it is not yours. You cannot take it from me, nor can I give it to you. Ask me to describe my queerness. I will tell you that it is mine, and you cannot touch it, you cannot feel it, but you can see it.

Ask me to describe my queerness, I dare you.